Dangerous, Undiagnosed, And In Your Life: The Psychopathic Personality

"He will choose you, disarm you with his words, and control you with this presence. He will delight you with his wit and his plans. He will show you a good time, but you will always get the bill. He will smile and deceive you, and he will scare you with his eyes. And when he is through with you, and he will be through with you, he will desert you and take with him your innocence and your pride. You will be left much sadder but not a lot wiser, and for a long time you will wonder what happened and what you did wrong. And if another of his kind comes knocking at your door, will you open it?"

From Without Conscience - The Disturbing World Of The Psychopaths Among Us by Dr. Robert Hare

What Is Psychopathy?

". . .a person lacking eros (love) can be charming. . .the presence of eros makes life difficult for people. . .Eros means caring, and if someone cares for whatever or whoever it may be, worries, nervousness, even neurotic tensions can be the result. Loving persons are seldom cool and relaxed, but people suffering from a deficient eros are unconcerned and so do not worry; often they are very relaxed and easy-going. It is agreeable to be with people who are deficient in eros; they usually know how to behave pleasantly and can be socially delightful--except when eros is needed." [Excerpt from The Emptied Soul: On The Nature of The Psychopath by Adolf Guggenbuhl-Craig].

The truth is, and those who have been involved with psychopaths are well aware, that aside from their charming exteriors, once you really know them, psychopaths are not very pleasant. Psychopaths may not even remotely resemble one another physically, but they have a few behavioural characteristics in common nevertheless: uncaring, unempathetic, and remorseless when it suits them, their goal usually culminating in the humiliation of others and acting out mental and emotional abuse on those who come to trust and care for them. What are these people and what makes them tick? They have baffled the psychiatric world and others in general, and yet no one seems to know exactly why they do what they do, or why they find purpose in their negative behaviour. These individuals are psychopaths, also called sociopaths, interchangeably with the term "anti-social personality disorder."

Not all the same characteristics will be exemplified by every psychopath, as each varies individually, but most of the tell-tale signs will fit, especially those listed on Hare's Psychopathy Checklist -See below- Also, some do not agree that Dr. Hare is the true authority on psychopathy, and so the debate continues.

People with ASP (psychopathy)can be expertly social, adept at manipulating others when it serves their devious purposes, but their relationships tend to be superficial, short-lived, and bereft of trust." [Black, XIIII].

Many psychopaths are non-conformists and from my own research, enjoy "standing out" from the crowd. As for the more conservative or upstanding psychopath, they still possess a grandiose sense of entitlement, very much akin to narcissism. Their goal usually culminates in social climbing.Narcissism/NarcissisticPersonality Disorder often accompanies psychopathy, and can also be confused with psychopathy. Psychopaths often think of themselves as special, and deserving of special priveleges, even if they pretend to be humble (something they are very good at).

How Psychopaths View "Their" World

Most psychopaths are very arrogant and cocky. They think the world is their oyster. People are to be exploited and used. Then discarded. Of course, this is not always apparent in the beginning, as they often try to appear to be good people. They say all the "right" things and make you believe they are kind-hearted souls; not always, but often enough. The truth is, psychopaths are not altruistic and do not really care about friendships or ties. Guggenbuhl-Craig states that they are very talented at appearing much more humble than the average person, but are hardly so. Some are also able to feign concern about the lower classes and profess that they are on the side of the underdog, the poor, and so forth. A psychopath may claim, for instance (if he's from a low socio-economic class), that he dislikes rich people intensely, but at the same time, he will inwardly yearn and envy what they have. He is still like the narcissist, desiring to reflect a false image of himself through his possessions. Among his possessions are included human beings: girlfriends, wives, and children. Some psychopaths are even very fond of animals (contrary to the common viewpoint), but still view them as objects in relation to themselves.

The psychopath is filled with insatiable greed inside, even though on the outside he can claim to be on the side of the disenfranchised or the downtrodden.

On the flip side, the psychopath also often paints a picture of himself as the downcast anti-hero (his "own worst enemy type") and most like to see themselves as lone-wolves. The psychopath may even claim he is sensitive and profound, but inside he is nothing but emptiness and greed, which some suggest is unbeknownst to him on a conscious level. Whether or not the psychopath is aware of his behaviour is something that is often debated. Psychopaths usually know exactly what they are doing, although others suggest that psychopaths are "born, not made."

As mentioned, psychopaths often claim to settle for second best (being their own worst enemy) and then think they deserve better. This may be manifested in the way they seek power -- either through money (i.e. material goods), manipulation and/or treating people as objects. By enacting such behaviours, the psychopath is trying to "get back" at society and the world, in order to gain retribution. They will spend their entire lives doing this, whether they are rich or poor, or whatever their social background may be, although studies have shown that they often come from an impoverished or lower socio-economic background and/or social status. (In one of Dr. Donald Black's studies, many of the men were "overwhelmingly white, blue collar, lower middle class, and married, and most had not graduated from high school

What is very disturbing about psychopaths, besides their sense of special entitlement, is the complete lack of empathy for normal people, for "antisocials (psychopaths) seem to lack a conscience, feeling little or no empathy for the people whose lives they touch...the antisocial effortlessly resists all regulation, unable to see beyond his self-interest or to adopt standards of right versus wrong."

Not all psychopaths are uneducated low-class misfits. Some of them are quite handsome and have good careers, and use this all the more to their benefit. Take a look at Ted Bundy Not all psychopaths are derelict, low-class, high school drop-outs, there are many who also work in professional occupations; the fact remains that there are just more psychopaths who come from impoverished backgrounds than not.

Also, not all psychopaths are calm, cool, and collected. Some of them appear strange or odd, and their behavior can be eccentric or unusual. Most often, they appear intense and "electrifying", and can seem a bit eccentric or unusual because of this. According to Guggenbuhl-Craig, there are many different psychopathic types. Do not be misled if someone appears harmless, "foolish", or seems offbeat (weird). The psychopath is dangerous to society, for "the nature of ASP (psychopathy) implies that it wreaks more havoc on society than most other mental illnesses do, since the disorder primarily involves reactions against the social environment that drag other people into its destructive web...The despair and anxiety wrought by antisocials (psychopaths) tragically affects families and communities, leaving deep physical and emotional scars..."

There is much to the psychopathic personality which is baffling and disturbing. 1 in about 25-30 people are psychopathic (also known as sociopaths or anti-social -- the correct title being psychopath.) Since the majority or them are men 30% of men are sociopathic, a warning women about the dangers, especially women online, which I believe is a favorite "new medium" which appeals to psychopaths.

Some men believe that psychopathic women are more prevalent; however, from my own personal research on psychopaths, I've found that men who are psychopaths (and misogynists), often enjoy calling women "psychos" and labelling them as mentally ill. The reason why some men are frustrated by women and dislike them is probably due to their inability to relate to them. Normal, healthy men do not label all women "crazy" or refer to their ex-girlfriends or wives as "psychos." If a man does this, you can almost be sure there is something he is hiding about himself. There are studies about men who are psychopathic (even those who openly admit it and brag about hurting others, including bragging about attempting to murder someone) who hate women and project their blame onto them. Remember, it is a common enough scenario in our patriarchal world for women to continue being victimised. For instance, Dr. Vaknin has stated that over 75% of narcissists are male, not female. He explains that most men suffer from disorders like this because they are brought up to be less empathetic and caring. Women are conditioned to be more nurturing and conscious of relationships. There is also some biological evidence that men are more aggressive than women, which further intensifies aggression in men. Be aware of the facts: some men hate women, and these men are usually psychopaths, without a doubt.

Psychopaths and Relationships

The real danger about psychopaths is that some women, in particular, actually have a psychological predisposition towards forming attachments to them. They even fall in love with them. These women, usually of a hysteric or histrionic personality, feel empowered when attached to the psychopath, regardless of the truth she has been told about him, or regardless of what he himself has told her. Some of these women have an underlying fantasy to feel that they are in control with the psychopathic male. We've heard of the extreme cases, such as the women who fell in love with the Night-Stalker, Richard Ramirez, but in general, you will find psychopaths in quite innocuous places, and they always know how to spot a vulnerable woman who will feed their self-image of grandiosity. Of course, good looks help in these matters. The reason so many women fell in love with Ramirez, has been speculated, was probably also intensified because of his brooding, darkly handsome looks and the fact that he could appear vulnerable, "like a little kid," said one admirer. An attractive psychopath is probably more dangerous than a less attractive one, by all means.

For many women, the attachment to a psychopath goes beyond mere Freudian analysis -- many simply deny the truth, blindly trusting and ignoring reality. Some, even when presented with the cold hard facts, will still admit that they cannot stop loving their psychopathic partner, even after they've been discarded by him. This problem is both a psychosexual one (women with personality disorders themselves who become obsessed with psychopaths), or women who just won't admit to the truth or are ignorant about the situation. It can even be a combination of all factors. Regardless, the psychopath knows whom to "choose."

By the way, the information regarding "histrionic women" and "hysterics" as typical victims was taken from the ideas of Meloy, but does not represent the norm as it were. Anyone can be conned and taken in by the psychopath. Psychopaths pick on everyone, whether rich or poor, smart or not so bright. Although it does seem that the mentally ill are more susceptible: the aforementioned hystrionics, etc., as well as victims with borderline personality disorder.

Tim Field, a noted author and webmaster of Bully OnLine, believes that the psychopath picks out people who can see through him: "A bully's (sociopath) apparent self-esteem and self-confidence is actually arrogance, an unsustainable belief of invulnerability honed from his willingness to act outside the bounds of society to ensure their survival. Targets (or victims) are people who can see through the arrogance to perceive the empty shell behind it - and bullies can sense who can see through them, furthering the target's elimination. This usually happens in the workplace, and in situations where the psychopath has let his mask drop.

When needing to manipulate a female, the psychopath often targets women who are the kind of women who exudes naivete, often unconscious of her own sexuality, vapid innocence -- their personalities usually border on the Pollyannaish, and they always see a silver lining in every cloud. Not that there is anything essentially wrong with innocence or optimism, but when dealing with a psychopath, that can prove a bad combination. Psychopaths seem to be attracted to this type of woman in particular. She is nurturing and all-giving, while he is closed-off and retentive.

They have "an uncanny ability to spot and use 'nurturant' women -- that is, those who have a powerful need to help or mother others." . As Hare recounts, a particular "nurturance-seeking missile" who had a local reputation for attracting a steady stream of female visitors seemed to have this talent. He was "not particularly good-looking or very interesting to talk to. But he had a certain cherubic quality that some women, staff included, seemed to find attractive. One woman commented that she 'always had an urge to cuddle him.' Another said that 'he needs mothering.'". Also, psychopaths like to attach to women of higher social status. They often like to attach to a woman who represent what he would like to be. Regardless of what personality type they go after, everyone is a target.

For women (and men) online who run into what are now called cyberpaths, this can prove to be a bad experience, for "psychopaths have no hesitation in making use of people's need to find a purpose in their lives, or in preying on the confused, the frail, and the helpless.". It is online that many psychopaths play their trade, and, it's much easier to pretend to be someone else for an extended time-period, which also gives the partner time to nurse a false idealization about the psychopath.

The psychopath has a callous, remorseless, and unempathetic attitude towards his victims, or targets. He relates to others on a basis of power rather than affection. As Adolf Guggenbuhl-Craig writes, "Those who cannot relate to others on an eros level can do so on a power level." Like the narcissist, the psychopath has an arrogant, disdainful, and patronizing attitude; however, let me make this clear: often in the initial stages of charming someone new, the true character is kept hidden, naturally. That is why, when a woman warns another woman about a psychopathic man, his newest victim will not be able to believe the bad stories about him. "But he's so charming, so kind, so nice..." and so forth will be her reply. Yes. Exactly. He is playing a game with you too, that is why.

Most people will be able to identify this arrogance, although it can often be misenterpreted as an overhealthy self-esteem. Psychopaths do not form real attachments, and they enjoy their image of autonomy. Guggenbuhl-Craig, one of my favourites, also writes in his book The Emptied Soul, that "Relationships (for psychopaths) are things of the moment. . .their motto seem(s) to be 'Out of sight, out of mind.'

Psychopaths have a grandiose self-structure which demands "a scornful and detached devaluation of others" In order to ward off envy toward the good perceived in people. They react towards perceived or existing attachment capacities with ambivelence and often aggression. Most of them transfer the attachment to "hard objects" such as weapons, knives, etc. The grandiose self is represented onto the weapon or object and is a projection of themselves. This of course is more indepth study of the psychopath. Not all psychopaths have a gun collection or a favourite knife or sword, but a great deal of them do tend to be fond of weapons and such symbols of aggression and dominance.

Psychopathy is primarily "a syndrome--a cluster of related syndromes." Below is a Psychopathy Checklist, which was developed by the most famous researcher of psychopaths, Dr. Robert Hare. For each characteristic that is listed, the subject is given a score: 0 for "no," 1 for "somewhat," and 2 for "definetely does apply." The cut-off score for a psychopath is generally 30 points.

1. Glibness/superficial charm.
2. Grandiose sense of self-worth.
3. Need for stimulation/proneness to boredom
4. Pathological lying
5. Conning/manipulative
6. Lack of remorse or guilt
7. Shallow affect
8. Callous/lack of empathy
9. Parasitic lifestyle
10. Poor behavioral controls
11. Promiscuous sexual behavior
12. Early behavior problems
13. Lack of realistic, long-term plans
14. Impulsivity
15. Irresponsibility
16. Failure to accept responsibility for own actions
17. Many short-term relationships
18. Juvenile delinquency
19. Revocation of conditional release
20. Criminal versatility
(Narcissism also a characteristic).

The psychopath is callous, remorseless, and unempathetic, although at first glance he may not seem that way. He is often exceedingly witty, chameleon-like, charming (but not always, especially when not in a "good" mood), the person who attracts a circle of admirers around him at every party, but more often that not, he is usually avoided -- once people find out what he's really like. Psychopaths often end up associating with others like themselves, although in some cases they don't always get along that well. Sometimes they pair up with other psychopaths and become a close team, one may be a "talker" while the other is a "doer," and so forth, although I strongly believe that these roles are interchangeable when dealing with a psychopathic duo. Hare states, "As long as their interests are complimentary, they make a formidable pair.". It has also been reported that some acquaintances may never really discover their truly dark side.

The fact of the matter is, if we paid closer attention, the psychopath may be able to be discerned. There is something "off" about them -- larger than life, almost as if they're playing a role. It's hard to describe unless you've experienced it (as one individual commented, "I don't know how to describe pornography, but I sure know what it is when I see it.") In the end, however, you might find out what their true colours are. They are extremely arrogant, pugnacious, and are often called "obnoxious personalities"; however, oftentimes their means of hurting or destroying someone be more subtle.

Psychopaths are often witty and articulate and almost always "glib." They can be "amusing and entertaining conversationalists, ready with a quick and clever comeback, and can tell unlikely but convincing stories...They can be very effective in presenting themselves well and are often very likeable and charming. To some people, however, they seem too slick and smooth, too obviously insincere and superficial. Astute observers often get the impression that psychopaths are play-acting, mechanically "reading their lines." . The psychopathic personality can also be very convincing. They use their moods to manipulate others. Oftentimes they are overbearingly magnetic whenever the purpose suits them, but otherwise can be repugnant and downright mean. It all depends on what they want. They may "ramble and tell stories that seem unlikely in light of what is known about them. Typically, they attempt to appear familiar with sociology, psychiatry, medicine, psychology, philosophy, poetry, literature, art, or law. A signpost to this trait is often a smooth lack of concern at being found out." . One psychopathic individual claimed that he had a genius IQ and that he was studying several different majors at college. "When I found out I had a genius IQ, that's when all my trouble started" he said, "Why?" He replied, "'Cause I'm too smart for my own good." In the end I found out these were lies because he was, in fact, a high school drop-out.

Despite their failures, psychopaths have a very "narcissistic and grossly inflated view of their self-worth and importance, a truly astounding egocentricity and sense of entitlement, and see themselves as the center of the universe, as superior beings who are justified in living according to their own rules.". They often come across as "arrogant, shameless braggarts--self-assured, opinionated, domineering, and cocky. They love to have power and control over others and seem unable to believe that people have valid opinions different from theirs. They appear charismatic or 'electrifying' to some people." . Classic example description of one : "He always seemed to be charming everyone around him, although in the end every woman who fell for him ended up becoming hostile when they realized all he had been doing was leading each one on simultaneously."

How Psychopaths Relate To Others

In Dr. Black's studies, many of the men he talked to had "no qualms about admitting their past and current misdeeds, even inflating them..." for their benefit. Psychopaths show a "disturbing lack of empathy and fail to learn from their experiences, always blaming someone else for their problems and misdeeds.". They also feel no need to explain why "their every betrayal is justified. One of their main features is the ease with which they can betray others.

The fact is, no matter what role they play, the psychopath's emotional responses are always shallow and lacking in fortitude, although their dramatic acting can fool you -- as well as words of conviction. These people will make up anything when it suits them; they are pathological liars. This is because "deceit is another significant way in which antisocials (psychopaths) display their disregard for others...an antisocial may develop a story for his own amusement, attempting to impress friends, relatives, or drinking companions." .

Despite their acting, psychopaths are not able to experience profound emotions. They only relate to others on a basis of power rather than affection. They are also incapable (or do not want to) maintain real attachments, although they are very good at forming them in a superficial manner and talented at conjuring extreme devotion from others. Most people in love with them run the chances of becoming obsessed. Why? Because the psychopath plays a false role at first. He makes you feel good, special, and so forth. We must realise, however, that this is not his true personality.

Psychopaths like to use specific catch-phrases to lure lonely and vulnerable women in. They know exactly how to appeal to one’s emotions and sensibilities. And as outrageous as some of their ploys are, their manipulative phrases actually do work on others; they are good at playing with the heartstrings. As Guggenbuhl-Craig expresses, "Since love and morality do not get in their way, they often succeed in bewitching those around them.

Psychopaths have very good insight into the needs and weaknesses of others.

One must remember that while manipulative and appearing to "need" you, psychopaths also enjoy very much their autonomous self-image; it feeds a sense of a grandiose self, for one. This grandiose self-structure demands the aforementioned "scornful and detached devaluation of others." In other words, if you present an opportunity as an attachment for them, they will put you down and devalue you, although the psychopath will also play mind games with you as well, all the while. It won't be until they've made you believe in them and hope hard for a miracle (you might even think it's about to happen) and then that's when they'll finally turn on you, usually in the form of some betrayal. This is how they destroy your hope. They are treacherous, incompetent, and totally unreliable people.

Also, the psychopath can be very good at feigning love. Guggenbuhl-Craig recalls a few incidents about a psychopath who deluged his sweetheart with presents and affection. None of it was real even though the man acted like he cared for her. One of these psychopathic "romancers" later killed his partner and felt no remorse at all. The woman had merely been taken in by empty gestures. I suspect many women out there who are reading this will identify with this. Many victims of psychopaths cannot get over how the psychopath was able to feign love and caring so well. Face the truth: he never cared. It was just "empty gesturing" as Guggenbuhl-Craig observes.

Psychopaths are extremely unreliable people. They often admit to their own faults and don't seem to care either.

Psychopaths have unusual and innappropriate attitudes to sexual matters -- often revelling in perversity or anything besmirching sexuality or the sex act itself. Sex for them is an attempt to "smear" their partner symbolically, that is why they enjoy perversions. They also tend to say sexually innappropriate things to people they barely know. One of the ways you can often spot a psychopath is the way he will brag about his sexual prowess.

What makes psychopaths so attractive is their lack of scruples. For those who have issues regarding morals and their own sexuality, the psychopath's blatant advertising of sex and complete freedom in the realm of sexuality is strangely appealing. Victims are drawn to him like a moth to a flame.

But back to the issue regarding attachments, anything that may present attachment capability is treated with ambivelence and aggression by the psychopath. As has been suggested by an astute observer, the psychopath, although often held inaccountable because of his personality disorder, is still capable of making choices. The fact remains that the psychopath chooses bad over good to maintain that false image of himself that he feels he must project.

The study of psychopathy has found that psychopaths have a lower reaction to stress, which may explain why they hurt others so easily, but studies are still pending and many have different ideas about why they are the way they are.. And no matter what the cause, the fact remains that individuals who are psychopathic are ticking time bombs, who, either out of choice, biology, environmental factors, or a combination of all three, do not want to attach to others or become too close to anyone in particular.

The psychopath, while not wanting to attach, will not reject his partner in this strange symbiosis, at least not in the initial stages. He will use you, for lack of better words. Use and discard. But there is nothing to be ashamed about in this regard. He will use and discard the next, just like you.

As for women who fall in love with psychopaths, it may take a long time to finally admit the truth. A lot of times, blinding oneself by a one-sided love affair (especially in a hysteric/histrionic personality), will distort reality itself. The woman in love with one of these men has a very twisted idealization of him; as one commented, she thought he was the very "image of manliness" even after he had mistreated her. It is at times like this when one must wake-up out of a fantasy life and face reality. That often means having to face the very painful realization that there was never any compassion or real interest on behalf of the psychopath in the first place. This might take a long time to admit, and it can be very difficult, but it’s better not to let your feelings run away with you in this case.

While the psychopath has been using the woman all along in order to feel better about himself, he will also accomplish this by the way he ends the "relationship" because he will always have to see himself in control.

Typical psychopathic crimes are crimes of the heart. The psychopath often leaves without a word, in order to make the victim feel like a punished child. Some of them may not leave you until they've done as much damage to you as possible -- but these are more rare cases.

For those married to a psychopath and are divorcing them, this can prove to be extremely dangerous. They can be extremely vindictive and try to bleed you dry and take as much away from you as possible (material gain), or else cause harm to you and your children.

In any case, you can be assured that there is always something they want from you, while pretending to be your friend and all-altruistic, because everything is viewed in a materialistic manner; even people are objects.

As for conversations, you may have trouble with the psychopath in this regard, the truth is, he probably won't even let you talk that much -- a conversation with a psychopath is truly a unique experience; these people usually won't let you get a word in edgewise, for they like to dominate the conversation. They often flit from topic to topic so that you come away feeling like you've never had a decent conversation with them, and as Field comments, you feel as if you "never hear a straight answer." Also, their words and dramatic deliverance may cover-up any suspicions you hold -- which may seem implausible.

Psychopaths rely so much on bewitching you with what you see and hear (like typical con men), by the time you've been suspecting something about them, they've got you hypnotized in no time, and once again, you're back at square one. It's hard to explain unless you've actually been around one of these people. The best way I can describe it is, his speech will sound like he’s conning someone -- too slick, too polished, too contrived. And most of what he says will be.

Common Psychopathic Behaviours: Pathological Lying, Cheating, Conning, and Blaming

Lying is like breathing to the psychopath. When caught in a lie and challenged, they make up new lies, and don't care if they're found out. As Hare states, "Lying, deceiving, and manipulation are natural talents for psychopaths...When caught in a lie or challenged with the truth, they are seldom perplexed or embarrassed -- they simply change their stories or attempt to rework the facts so that they appear to be consistent with the lie. The results are a series of contradictory statements and a thoroughly confused listener". Often, their behavior serves to confuse and repress their victims, or to influence anyone who might listen to the psychopath's side of the story. Manipulation is the key to their conquests, and lying is one way they achieve this. One almost amusing example of how psychopaths lie can be exemplified by a man who's footprint was discovered at the scene of the crime. "No, that's not my foot" he said, even though everyone knew he was lying. This is how psychopaths operate. They will deny reality until their victims have a nervous breakdown. Often, the psychopath will turn on the victim and claim that the victim suffers from "delusions" and is not mentally stable.

The psychopath might initially attract a woman with his bravado, his bragging; not to mention, he will also lie to bolster his self-image and make himself seem as attractive and appealing a man as possible. He will make the woman feel like, for the first time, she is truly "alive." This is why some women only pay attention, in the end, to his "good" traits only, while ignoring the real (negative) facts. To add to this problem, society deluges us with such messages like "stand by your man" and other myths about love. So we keep waiting for the psychopath to change, not realising he will NEVER change. The best thing you can do, when involved with a psychopath is to walk away. They cannot change and do not want to change.

What To Expect If You Leave

If you leave the psychopath, you can expect that he will either be the type who doesn't make any "noise" but ruins your reputation by spreading lies, or you can expect a lot of open manipulation (a final attempt to gain power and control). Even though they cannot really love another person, psychopaths relate to others through power and control, therefore, they feel very humiliated if someone should dare to leave them. It's the ultimate insult to a psychopath. The psychopath makes himself appear in control by telling everybody that he was in control of the situation. . They will say that their partners or ex-partners were nothing but an "experiment" to them.

Psychopaths will claim that you are an experiment, either because they really DO see it that way, but also because he can not appear to be vulnerable. That is how they operate. They will not allow you to make them appear vulnerable in any way whatsoever; they must win at ALL costs, even at the price of your own sanity and well-being.

It’s also amazing to realize that a lot of us tend to believe what other people tell us, even if it sounds implausible. Some of us just want to believe in others to the point that we ignore the questionability of what we are presented with.

The psychopath is also good at manipulating and destroying hope in his "partner," which is analyzed in the book Violent Attachments. He does this by simultaneously making the woman believe that things are "getting better" and then will suddenly do something to destroy her hopes, often repeatedly. The reason for this is that he must ward off envy towards goodness that he perceives in others, otherwise it crushes him. As that same psychopathic individual may say: "You want to believe that people are good."

The psychopath is primarily distracted and impressed by his own grandiose self-representation, which often leads to him unwittingly telling people things that lead to his detection. They often forget the lies they told and tell contradicting tales, which often makes the listener wonder if either the psychopath is crazy, although in this case the psychopath isn't really crazy -- he's just forgotten what lies he's told. The most amazing thing, however, is their selective memory. A psychopath might not remember the promises he made to you yesterday, but he will remember something from the past if it suits his purposes in some way. They often do this whenever they're confronted or caught in a lie.

In general, most psychopaths will brag endlessly about their exploits and "bad" things they've done (often called a warning sign, which will ward off careful souls), but more often than not, the woman who is fascinated by him will not listen to reason, even if she is warned by others who know him about his past behaviours. Why? Once again, because the psychopath makes her feel so "special." Please ladies, if you're stuck on any man who is like this, you must come to terms with the fact that it is NOT his REAL personality. He is only playing a ROLE for you.

The psychopath knows how to manipulate and enjoys it because it feeds his need for power and control. He will convince his victim or use any plea to keep her under his control, (studied in the book Violent Attachments.) The entire goal is to keep her under control and to gain something from the power over her -- most likely, to build up their low self-esteem, for the fact is, despite all their outward bravado, many psychopaths who report feeling depressed often describe themselves as black holes, empty, dark, void, etc, for "disorders like depression, alcohol or drug dependence, pathological gambling, and psychosexual disturbances can accompany ASP (psychopathy) and even may have been the driving force that led the patient to seek help." . Psychopaths may also sense that they are different and damaged when compared with others, which feeds further resentment of others. But while charming, they seem confident because of the way they brag and bolster themselves. Dr. Black states that one of the most obvious signs of psychopathy is the way the individual will brag about his experiences, no matter "how unsavory...his apparent comfort with his deviant behavior, the ease with which he discuss(es) breaking every rule, (is) consistent with ASP (psychopathy)."

The psychopath is also unduly preoccupied with his sexuality albeit in a very animalistic way. Sex for the psychopath is an endless number of exploits and he will often brag about his sexual prowess. Psychopaths have an "inability to form close relationships and (have) a 'promiscuous sexual life.'".

In a more in-depth psychological perspective, women who are attracted to psychopaths may also have masochistic (and hidden sadistic) tendencies, and wish to be dominated (and take part in the sadism of the psychopath) by this sense of omnipotence he seems to hold sway over; she may feel like she is taking part of his cruelty when he degrades others, and feels a subconscious power from her union with him -- which brings us to the subject of the psychopath's intimidation tactics.

While he's busy charming, however, the detachment of the psychopath towards his "partner" is interspersed with displays of affection that are utterly dramatic and shallow, as well as short-lived. His displays of affection are short-lived in order to ward off envy. Interestingly enough, the psychopath has a hidden wish to mirror or merge with his target (the source of his hatred -- because he must destroy her).

How To Deal With Psychopaths

If you try to deal with psychopaths in an ethical manner, you will be in for a shock. They will not only deny the past and trivialize it, but will avoid answering your questions directly, and even if they seem to answer them -- you can be sure that it's not the answer you were looking for. It has been said that even when they do give you a straight answer, the real issue will never be addressed by them, although they may even claim to be honorable when it suits them. But don't be fooled, for this is where the psychopath wants his victim -- he wants to shame you while at the same time fitting you into his plans; this is because "psychopaths show a stunning lack of concern for the devastating effects their actions have on others. Often they are completely forthright about the matter, calmly stating that they no have no sense of guilt, are not sorry for the pain and destruction they have caused, and that there is no reason for them to be concerned."

On the other hand, "psychopaths sometimes verbalize remorse but then contradict themselves in words or actions." Psychopaths may apologize or show remorse only to get away with something, but in the end you will be stabbed in the back and realize how very shallow their words were.

The psychopath appears not to be able to remember what they had said or committed to for very long. They seem to always be living in the present. That is why they are usually guilty of being big "promise-makers" who cannot live up to their word. Once again, it will be the victim who must deal with the aftermath of all the psychopath's twists and turns, and when he gets you angry enough, you will be discredited as "defective" by him, and the psychopath will often make himself out to be the real victim.

What often happens in the aftermath, as Field has stated, is that the victim may repress his or her anger for a quite a while, but then, often many months later, a sudden realization of the truth may come over the individual, and the victim will finally realize that all along he/she has been bullied by the psychopath. This is when the victim suddenly becomes very angry and is motivated to have some sort of justice. But when trying to obtain justice with a psychopath, be aware that you will be the one to pay if you don't take a firm stand; the experience will have you more confused and bewildered, and you may even feel tempted to fight fire with fire.

"Don't Expect A Miracle"